It's funny how just a couple of little things that occur can really change my attitude. I start out trying to be really positive and end up working myself up to lofty unrealistic expectations, then turn to negative, destructive behavior when said things *magically* don't live up to those impossible ideas.
What a surprise.
So what do you do, then? What do you do when things, little things at that, have such power to sour a mood? When that mood changes what you're doing or were going to do? Why do I give such little things such power? When will I stop and decide to take care of me? I go from wanting to completely isolate myself from everyone and everything, to desperately wanting company and to occupy time with conversations that lead to learning about others. I find isolation comforting and terrifying at the same time. The same goes with being around others. I used to not be like this.
Ever since I recently made the decision that I was going to actually process something I should have processed eons ago, I've been a bit batty and not myself. I've shielded myself from this particular thing for a very long time, and I go back and forth: some days I think this is no big deal, I can work my way through this thing and process it and be better and life will be way great!, and other days I wonder if it's too late to bury it all again and continue with life like I always have.
At this point I've barely started the process, but it still feels like I'm too far down the path to back up and completely forget about processing everything.
And that, dear no-one-who-reads-this, is the tragedy.
What a surprise.
So what do you do, then? What do you do when things, little things at that, have such power to sour a mood? When that mood changes what you're doing or were going to do? Why do I give such little things such power? When will I stop and decide to take care of me? I go from wanting to completely isolate myself from everyone and everything, to desperately wanting company and to occupy time with conversations that lead to learning about others. I find isolation comforting and terrifying at the same time. The same goes with being around others. I used to not be like this.
Ever since I recently made the decision that I was going to actually process something I should have processed eons ago, I've been a bit batty and not myself. I've shielded myself from this particular thing for a very long time, and I go back and forth: some days I think this is no big deal, I can work my way through this thing and process it and be better and life will be way great!, and other days I wonder if it's too late to bury it all again and continue with life like I always have.
At this point I've barely started the process, but it still feels like I'm too far down the path to back up and completely forget about processing everything.
And that, dear no-one-who-reads-this, is the tragedy.
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